


This Is YOUR Fault

by YunaYamiMouto



Series: Time Heals All Wounds [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: All hail Hokage Madara, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Because he'd do it for Science™️, Cannon Madara is OUT of there™️, Cannon Madara just really wants out of the craziness, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dimension Cannon, Doctor Who References, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Don't Like Don't Read, Especially crazy shit, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Fuck Zetsu, Game of Thrones References, Gen, Hashirama is ridiculous, Hokage Madara commands it, How Do I Tag, Humor, I Don't Even Know, In the end, It works out in everyone's favor, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, It's always Tobirama's fault when shit happens, Jurassic Park References, Kagami the Troll King, Konoha is still being trolled, Leave it to the Senju, M/M, Madara has given up on him, Madara the absolute indisputable God of Trolls, Marvel References, More like dimensional travel but whatever, Movie Reference, Musical References, Nidaime Hokage Uchiha Madara, No clean up for him thank you, Oblivious Tobirama Strikes Again, Or Orochimaru, Other Madara is angry, Possessive Tobirama, Protective Tobirama, Show no quarter minions!, Sort Of, Star Wars References, The Shinobi Alliance is Confused™️, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Time Travel Fix-It, Tobirama is not a virgin, Trolling, Trolls, Uchiha Obito Lives, Uchiha have strange customs, Unnecesarrily protective big brother Hashirama, World War Z References, You Know What You Did, Zombie Apocalypse in reference to Senju Tobirama, but not really, he's too old for this shit, it's been confirmed, it's both, kind of, madara for hokage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24189778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YunaYamiMouto/pseuds/YunaYamiMouto
Summary: The Fourth Shinobi War is crazy enough as it is, but add in two time-dimensional travelers appearing out of nowhere in the middle of a very important fight against Uchiha Madara and it becomes a downright mad house! And just wait to see who they are! The Shinobi Alliance is confused, Orochimaru and Senju Tobirama are intrigued, Madara is mad and Hashirama is scared. Hiraishin, after all, is a SPACE-time ninjutsu, after all.
Relationships: Senju Hashirama & Senju Tobirama, Senju Tobirama & Uchiha Madara, Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara
Series: Time Heals All Wounds [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1745860
Comments: 45
Kudos: 376
Collections: why im sleep deprived 💖✨





	This Is YOUR Fault

**Author's Note:**

> So, here it is! The sequel to Time Heals All Wounds that you've all been patiently waiting for! (I hope.) I hope you like it and that it lives up to your expectations!

It happened so suddenly.

One moment, Uchiha Madara, alive again, was trashing all nine biju with a single Rinnegan eye and the Shibobi Alliance - _all_ the hidden villages banned together to fight a common enemy - and laughing, shirtless, as not even the four reanimated Hokage were enough to stop him and the next everything was falling silent as, out of nowhere, there was a bright - slightly familiar - flash and a boom. It happened in the middle-ground, between what was left of the allied army and Madara, and it left the surrounding area of about seventeen feet radius decimated even more than the previous fighting. The smell of ozone was rich in the air and the silence was broken with some coughing and then an unfortunately far too familiar voice yelling at the top of impressive lungs.

"YOU _IDIOT_ SENJU! Look what you've done now! Where do you get off messing with space-time again after the _last_ time you ended up in the future!"

"I was _fine_ ," another rather familiar voice answered, annoyed but not yelling. It made everyone blink their eyes in confusion, trying to see through the smokescreen that has yet to settle, even if a few of them were already dreading what they'd find. One Uchiha Madara and Senju Tobirama especially. "Everything turned out alright and it wasn't even my fault!"

"It should have been lesson enough! Honestly, it's like you're trying to give everyone gray hairs! Or blow up the village! Has Konoha displeased you somehow, oh mad scientist, that you're trying to blow us sky high!? We're not fucking cartoons to recover from shit like that without a scratch!"

"Nothing would have happened if you hadn't startled me into accidentally activating the seal!"

"I'll fucking believe it when I see the seal myself! Now, when are we?"

The smoke and dust finally settled, letting them all _gape_ at the two men standing in the center of all that ruin. They were easily recognizable, as two identical versions stood on opposite sides of the battlefield and were just as wide eyed as everyone else. Though there were also considerable differences.

For one, this new Uchiha Madara looked to be in his mid twenties and was fully _dressed_. Unlike _some_ Uchiha Madaras, might I add.

Two, this new Senju Tobirama looked to be a couple of years _older_ than the reanimated Senju Tobirama and he wasn't dead or dressed in battle armor, but rather in just plain black clothing one might see on any ninja from Konoha when they take off the green vest.

Three, while they might be arguing and in each other's faces, there was no aggression or hate between them, just pent up annoyance and worry, easily recognized in how they subtle checked each other over for any possible injuries.

"Did I perhaps mention that I was focusing more on the _space_ aspect of space-time ninjutsu?" The new Tobirama asked gently and a tick appeared on new Madara's forehead.

"I swear-! Are you saying you lost us in the fucking _multiverse_ , Tobirama!? Because if we can't get back, I am going to-"

"What's going on?" The Senju Tobirama indigenous to this universe snapped, catching both of the newcomers attention, making them look over and subtly shift as though to protect each other from any possible incoming attacks. It looked seamless, effortless, and it disturbed the two versions of these men from this dimension. "Who are you? Where do you come from? Why can't I sense genjutsu or Henge on either of you? Because I absolutely _refuse_ to believe you two come from a different reality."

"Well, that's too bad for you," new Madara snapped, looking around for something, only for his eyes to zero in on his counterpart. "Oh my fucking Amaterasu! Is that ... Is that Hashirama's _face_ on my chest!? Are you telling me of all possible boob jobs you could have done, you had to go and get a _Hashiboob_!?"

"What?" Other Tobirama asked, following his companion's gaze, only to grimace like he'd smelled something incredibly foul. "Oh, gods, _why_? I did _not_ need to see that. I would have lived a perfectly happy and fulfilled life without ever having had to see that monstrosity. I'm scarred for life."

"S-shut up! I didn't _want_ it to end up like this! Hashirama's cells are just too over-reactive!" Indigenous Madara snapped.

"If you fucking wanted the Rinnegan so bad, why not just ask him to share some fucking chakra with you!?" Younger Madara asked, sounding truly disgusted.

"Because he wouldn't!"

"Then ask another fucking Senju! Tobirama, for crying out loud!"

" _Why_ ," the older Madara asked, punctuating each word. "The _fuck_ would _I_ ever ask _Tobirama_ for _anything_?" There was so much poison in almost each and every word in that sentence that the watching shinobi were honestly surprised that it wasn't dripping on the ground.

"Because he's a fucking scientist whose fucking curiosity doesn't give a fuck about propriety and rules?" The younger Madara sounded sarcastic to the point of it being rather obvious how little he thought of his counterpart's intelligence. "It's _Tobirama_! He'd do it just because he would want to see the results!"

"He's not the right Senju!"

"Fuck that! You sound just like that creep Zetsu!"

"Excuse me," the reanimated Senju Tobirama called for attention, making the arguing parties pause and turn to stare at him with two scowls and a blank disinterested expression that immediately peeked with intrigue. "But would someone mind explaining to me - to us _all_ \- just what the hell is happening here? Because I am confused and would rather like to hear an explanation."

"I was experimenting with the Hiraishin seal," the other Tobirama easily answered, tilting his head to regard the dead alternate version of himself. "Some three years ago, I managed to accidentally transport myself three hundred years, give or take, into the future when fighting Kinkaku and Ginkaku due to a massive overload to the core seal matrix, or so I've been theorizing so far. The overlay seal matrix then, according to logic and my theory, should affect the spatial instead of temporal aspect of teleportation, so I've been doing experiments to prove my theory. Only today, as luck would have it, Madara came to fetch me out of my lab-"

"I came to check on you! You've been down there for _two gods damned weeks_! For all we knew, you could have blown yourself up and _died_! Or done something stupid and needed saving!"

"-and managed to startle me bad enough that I accidentally activated the overlay seal matrix and we somehow ended up here." He continued as though his partner in jumping dimensions hadn't said anything while looking around, cataloging all the new faces that he didn't know and the dead people standing not far from him. "Although it would seem that I haven't quite managed to fully separate the spatial matrix from the temporal one as I'd hoped. How many years have passed since the founding of Konoha? And who managed to kill _you_ anija? Did you finally annoy Madara enough or was it Mito who could no longer hold back her temper? She's definitely been getting angry with how much you've been gambling in front of your children as of late."

Hashirama gaped at the other version of his brother. So did said brother. "You _survived_ the second confrontation with Gikaku and Kinkaku?" The undead albino asked, getting an arched eyebrow in turn.

" ... I should have killed them more thoroughly." The unexpected comment came from the younger Madara, everyone turning to look at him now as though they were watching a particularly interesting and complicated tennis match.

"I don't think you could have been more throughout than Amaterasu."

"I sealed them away inside of that damned ugly vase! I should have killed them and then burned them and then finished them off with Amaterasu so not even ashes remained!"

" _You_ killed Kinkaku and Ginkaku!?"

" _You_ saved me/ _him_!?"

The two (three) questions were asked at the same time, the first coming from an incredulous Sarutobi Hiruzen and the second asked in sync by the Tobirama and Madara of this world.

Young Madara sniffed, offended. "Of course I did! Who else _would_? Tobirama is a good ninja but that much raw power can't be easily matched with limited weaponry and resources on hand! Also, brat, you aged _horrendously_. I'll have to tell Kagami to get the monkey brat back home to put on some damned sun cream every once in a while. Look at those spots! And how dry your skin must have been! You look like the damned Face of Boe."

Alive Tobirama wrinkled his nose as though in agreement and disgust while Sarutobi gave off some offended squawking and the rest of the shinobi just looked on in confusion because that comparison had made _no sense_. At least not to _them_. "We've already made Konoha a Game of Thrones theme park _once_ , Madara. I'm not letting you unleash Doctor Who on them as well." He paused, seemed to think about it and a diabolical light lit up in red eyes that made Hashirama and Hiruzen whimper. "Not _yet_ , anyway. Jurassic Park is obviously the next theme we should do."

"I'm not letting you Edo Tensei dinosaurs, you menace," the Uchiha huffed with crossed arms, a stubborn stance from head to toes. "Anyway, you've had your fun. You've seen that you can do it, whatever it is that's actually been your endgame-"

"Please don't use that word. You know my opinion on how the Russo brothers have handled the Avengers and especially Tony Stark in that movie and I don't accept it as cannon."

"-so how about you focus on trying to get us back home instead of bickering with everyone here? I'd rather not return to a Konoha that resembles Fukushima and Nagasaki due to our absence."

"Anija is really not that bad," the alive Tobirama argued halfheartedly and the young Madara rolled his eyes.

"I'm talking about a few _certain someones'_ reaction to us suddenly being _gone_. Don't think Kurama won't stomp all over Konoha just to spite you. He'll probably dance on it, too. Do you think he'll go step dancing like Bugs Bunny or indulge in Kali since he seems to like it so much?" The two looked at each other, completely ignoring some random blond's (Uzumaki Naruto is his name, the Kyuubi's current Jinchuriki) gawking before intoning together in absolute agreement. "Kali."

"The sad thing is, you're probably right," the white haired man - the live version - sighed and ran a hand through his hair before looking around as if searching for something. It became clear what when he found it and picked it up, the white and red hat of the Hokage office itself. He dusted it off absently, seemingly still deep in thought. "How much time do you think they'll give us before it turns into a disaster zone? We've been here, what? Twenty minutes? My two months stint in the future lasted more than twice as long back home."

"Let's just hope it's not longer than a day," the Uchiha sighed longsufferingly. "I do _not_ want to deal with Onoki if he gets pissed that we're late. You'd think the gratefulness of saving him from being some black alien snot's puppet would stick beyond the first three days, but _no_."

"He's a politician."

"He's a pain in the ass."

"Why would _you_ have to deal with _Onoki_ of Iwa?" Undead Tobirama asked suspiciously, making the two men pause and turn to him again. "Last I remember, you went to Iwa and made quite a scene. It took us quite a few concessions to have peace stick through to the First Shinobi War."

"First?" They repeated incredulously. "You've had _more_!?"

"This is the Fourth, if you must know."

The two stared. "Is that cute little _Orochimaru_!?" Young Madara almost screeched, eyes wide and disbelieving. "Tobirama, what have you done to my minion!?"

Both Tobiramas looked greatly offended, Orochimaru looked insulted at being called 'minion' and the rest of them all just looked confused. "What makes you think _I_ did anything?" The two albinos turned to give each other a considering look for having spoken at the same time. Hashirama made a whimpering noise of some sort about all of this being too weird.

"He's the one using _your_ highly forbidden jutsu to bring about World War Z!"

"Oh, come now! It's not _nearly_ as bad. It's only the four of them," the living white haired Senju gestured at the four reanimated Hokage. "This is hardly a war for survival against undead people."

"Actually," the blond that reeked of Uzumaki chakra pipped up unhelpfully. "That stage kind of passed. There was this creepy Kabuto guy who had brought back an entire Edo Tensei army of ninjas from all over-"

"Of for _fuck's_ sake!"

"Tobi's _cursing_!?" Hashirama wheezed out, earning himself another glare from both versions of his younger brother.

" _Enough_!" Older Madara snapped, patience finally having evaporated the longer he listened to this nonsense. "I don't know how you got here _nor do I care_ ," he snapped when both Tobiramas looked ready to point out that the living Tobirama had already explained it. "You're interfering with my plan so either fuck off or stay to fight! I've ran out of patience and would like to just get the fuck on with it! You're interfering with my schedule." Then, because he was a bastard, he spat out several fireballs the size of a house at them, only to have Tobirama counter with an easy wall of water, easily covering both himself and the younger Madara.

"Get help?" Young Madara offered and live Tobirama smirked, confusing everyone because he did _not_ go to get help but instead grabbed Madara around the waist and _vanished_ , the two of them reappearing not far from older Madara's side where Edo Tobirama's marked kunai had landed earlier. The Senju _launched_ Madara at Madara and everyone kind of watched with bathed breath as the two Uchiha nearly collided, only for two identical Susanoo to spring into place around them, clashing like titans. Live Tobirama reappeared at his counterpart's side and just observed, apparently not at all concerned for his partner in dimension skipping, instead casually checking if the Hokage hat had suffered any damage.

"Tobi!-"

"Don't call me that," both Tobiramas automatically answered, ignoring Hashirama's flailing.

"You can't just leave that kid Madara to fight our Madara! Our Madara has the Rinnegan and is so much more powerful than even Madara with the Eternal Mangekyo-" Live Tobirama gave him a look that suggested he thought Hashirama was incredibly dull, which the brunet recognized from his own younger brother and immediately slumped over in a gloom. "It's just that you guys seem to be getting along and I wouldn't want that young Madara to get hurt-"

"That 'young Madara' is older than he looks, for starters," live Tobirama interrupted. "Judging by the placing of the," a grimace. "Hashiboob, you probably killed your Madara at the Valley of the End not long after the forming of Konoha. Through the back, which is real Captain America of you, what with the betrayal." Hashirama opened his mouth to ask what he meant but the living albino ignored his attempts and just kept going. " _My_ Madara met a pretty similar end, only it would seem that the difference between them is that _my_ Madara used Izanagi differently than your's did. Don't know your's story, but mine lived a whole new life for seventeen years before remembering his first life, therefore that ' _young_ ' Madara is no less skilled or powerful. Hell, he went all Chuck Norris on the other four Elemental Nations and all the smaller villages with incomplete memories, fighting eight of the nine biju in the process, including their Kage and he didn't even break a sweat. _After_ a lifetime spent as a civilian with no training. Trust me, he can handle himself."

"But the Rinnegan-"

"Is no issue. In fact, as long as Madara has no allies to worry about accidentally hurting if he lets loose and as long as it's not Black Zetsu again-"

"Um," the blond Uzumaki from before intoned, drawing living Tobirama's attention. "There _is_ Zetsu here?"

" ... Would you please repeat that one more time? Just so I can be sure I've heard you correctly and that I can decide how to react accordingly without accidentally decimating half of the field."

"Why would you even care?" Edo Tobirama sounded somewhere between intrigued and incredulous.

"Never mind _that_ ," an Uchiha boy, sixteen of age at the most, interrupted with a fierce scowl. Living Tobirama blinked at him, studying his face closer.

"You remind me of Izuna."

"Don't you fucking dare say my brother's name, Senju bastard!" Older Madara snapped, though how he heard _that_ above the sounds of battle and that far away remains a mystery. It's like he had a sixth sense for it or something.

Uchiha Sasuke rolled his eyes with a huff. "I get that a lot. Now, back to what I wanted to ask: if _he_ ," he gestured to where the two Madaras were duking it out, trying to point at the younger, alternate one, which was virtually impossible since they were busy _dancing_ and destroying what was left of the landscape. "Used Izanagi, to do whatever to live again, then how come both of his eyes are perfectly fine when it 'costs one the light of their eyes'?"

"That's _really_ not the important question here. The important matter that should be immediately resolved is-"

" **Is that** _ **two**_ **Uchiha Madaras!?** But how? I'm pretty sure we'd have noticed if he had a twin. **What do we do with the excess Madara?** We need only one to bring Mother back, right? **Maybe she'll appreciate a gift? It doesn't matter. Let's just bring the other eye to Madara so he can cast the Infinite Tsukuyomi and we can end all of this nonsense.** _ **Ugh**_ **, humans disgust me.** "

The Madaras stopped fighting, the older one frowning in confusion - _how_ were they _hearing_ this?! - while the younger one's eyes zeroed in on the black and white creature that had served as the ultimate spy in the Akatsuki. Living Tobirama had stopped talking and zeroed in on the Zetsu, too, who was still staring up in confusion and awe and the same sick _hunger_ as one of its alternate versions had up at the two Madaras.

Younger Madara turned to his older counterpart. "The cake is a lie." Then older Madara reeled back as red eyes spun and turned purple from the pupil outwards to the very edges of the eye, concentrated circles appearing. Shirt-wearing Madara turned to let the world see his eyes, let _Zetsu_ see his eyes before he manifested a black receiver and without hesitation threw it like a spear. Zetsu tried to phase through the ground to evade the attack but something invisible seemed to be holding him back - Limbo Clones, because Uchiha Madara was the type of person to make contingencies for his contingencies that cover up his contingencies and never left things up to fate or luck or chance - which prevented him from evading the incoming projectile. Then, when young Madara was sure he had his prey where he wanted him, he uttered a single word that had the Shinobi Alliance scrambling to cling on to something lest they be pulled in by gravitational powers that be. "Chibaku Tensei."

Once the meteorite formed around the screeching black and white thing, young Madara made an almost dismissive wave-like gesture with his hand and the giant orb surged towards the sky, quickly disappearing from the atmosphere as though it had never even been there. Zetsu and the second Rinnegan eye and all.

" ... Well, that solves _that_ question," Orochimaru commented in a deadpan. "That problem, too."

Older Madara was still standing there and gawking at his younger counterpart. "Why-"

"He was using you," the younger one said before Madara ingenious to this dimension could start ranting. "The Infinite Tsukuyomi is a means to bring back Otsutsuki Kaguya, drawing on the world's energy and killing it slowly. It wouldn't bring any more peace than the new shinobi system. It would just kill. Besides, you should be grateful! I just saved you from becoming some random chick's meat vessel! _And_ I just killed the instigator of the old Uchiha-Senju blood feud."

" ... _What_!?" Both remaining alive Uchiha of this dimension hissed liked dangerous, pissed off cats and young Madara nodded, going into little detail as he explained the stories about the foundation of the Uchiha, Senju, Uzumaki (and Hyuuga, since he was at it) and how Zetsu had been stringing them all along so he can fulfill his goal of bringing the Sage's crazy mother back to life from her eternal prison in the moon. A good number of people were eyeing said celestial body suspiciously as of that point.

"Bring him back," growled the older Madara once everything was explained. "I don't think you've killed him well enough."

Live Tobirama couldn't help but add. "He sealed our's in the Kohaku no Johei while he'd been stabbed through with enough receivers to pin a biju and burning with Amaterasu, made a Chibaku Tensei around the Kohaku no Johei and then launched him to hopefully burn up in some star."

"Don't forget that I put him under Tsukuyomi so he can enjoy every goddamned second of it for the rest of eternity."

"That's ... A bit overkill, don't you think?" The Yondaime Hokage asked uncertainly, only to get a firm "No" from all three Uchiha present.

"So, what happens now?" A random Inuzuka shinobi (Kiba) asked, his big white dog barking in agreement. "Do we just go home and forget none of this happened?"

"I quite frankly don't give a shit," young Madara said with far too much cheer. "All I care about is going back home and finishing my paperwork and getting some damned well deserved inarizushi for my grievances here today."

"You can't always expect me to just buy you inarizushi every time you perceive something I've done as wrong," alive Tobirama argued but young Madara snorted, sounding amused.

"I can if you don't want to be sleeping on the porch."

"I'm a better seal master than you."

"You forget who is Mito's favorite here."

Alive Tobirama glared.

Edo Tobirama looked as perplexed as Hashirama and Hiruzen and pretty much everyone else.

"Fine." There was a pout. A pout neither Tobirama would ever admit to being able to pull off, not even in death. Alive Tobirama was too busy grumbling to care about the stares he was getting. "Honestly, next thing I know, you'll be trying to win the Best Uncle spot."

"I already have it, honey," the younger dimension traveler informed him with a smug chirp, making alive Tobirama pout more because he can't refute the truth. "Now put that brilliant mind of your's to work and get us back home. You'd think Konoha would be able to survive without its Hokage and Sasaukage, but with who's been left in charge ... Kagami would be a better substitute than that log brained brother of your's."

" _Your_ friend. _I_ didn't _choose_ to be born to the same parents as him."

"Tobi~! That's so mean~!" (T.T)

"Shut up, Hashirama/anija."

The Shodaime Hokage, the God of Shinobi, curled up in a tight ball to sulk with a heavy depressed atmosphere around him.

Older Madara just sweat dropped. "He hasn't changed a bit."

"Excuse me, what exactly is a Sasaukage, dattebayo?" Naruto asked, sounding strangely polite and hesitant, making Madara junior and alive Tobirama turn to blink at him.

"Yes, I'd rather like to know that, too," Edo Tobirama added, studying how close the two dimensional travelers were now that they were no longer fighting and there was no more danger just around the corner.

"Sasaukage is the administrative title for the first and personal adviser of the Hokage, basically a position of political power second only to the Hokage himself, dealing with the behind the shadows workings of the village to prevent political power plays from within or forming organizations in the dark that may one day impact the village stability," young Madara replied awfully formally. "The Sasaukage title has existed ever since the Nidaime Hokage came to power over three years ago."

"That actually sounds like a good idea," Edo Tobirama grunted.

"Thank you," young Madara replied, a smirk dancing on his lips when Edo Tobirama looked stunned by the source of the idea.

"And who's this Sasaukage?" Asked older Madara, eyeing the two visitors suspiciously. "Oh, wait. I think I know! _Everyone_ knows that the Senju are better leaders than the Uchiha. How could you even bring yourself down to such a level as to have a subservient role-"

"What are you talking about?" Alive Tobirama asked with a perfectly blank face save for some fake innocent confusion that had younger Madara snickering into the collars of his robes. Then alive Tobirama very deliberately put the white and red cone hat on his companions head, casual as can be while never breaking eye contact with older Madara. "When Hashirama retired to become a househusband, we had a poll to vote for the Nidaime. Madara won by a large margin with me in second place. Given the education he was receiving in the twenty first century-"

"I'm sorry, _when_!?" Edo Tobirama asked, eyes looking ready to pop out of his skull.

"Uchiha Madara as the _Nidaime_!?" Half the listening Shinobi Alliance shouted, between scared and shocked at the news. The older version of the man looked just as stunned, disbelieving even.

"Oh, Madara! You got to be Hokage! I'm so proud!" Hashirama recovered from his funk enough to try and hug his brother and best friend, both versions of them, only for a seemingly innocent question from Sasuke to freeze him in place.

"And you got married, too, I see. Clearly that other dimension has dealt the Uchiha a better hand."

"Married?" Alive Tobirama asked, brows furrowed in confusion.

Older Madara took a better look at his counterpart and gurgled. The rest didn't see anything wrong until Sasuke pointed at the red and white uchiwa necklace around the blushing Hokage Madara's neck. "According to Uchiha tradition, that necklace is only worn by an Uchiha's spouse, though it's not unheard of for an Uchiha to wear it as well, if they live in such conditions that allow them to see each other each day. As a reminder for the love we'd give to our spouse because Uchiha only marry for love. As a reminder that they're _Uchiha_ now, whether they carry our name or not. Not everyone has naturally edict memory, after all, and some people tend to get insecure."

"I've never heard of this before," both Senju Tobiramas said mostly to themselves, though the alive one was eyeing his Hokage.

Sasuke just nodded. "The necklace is given to each Uchiha when they come of age to give or carry only in marriage."

"Is that so?" Alive Tobirama asked deliberately and took a very ... predatory(?) step closer to the younger Madara. "I wonder why I have not heard this from my lover who has been _wearing_ such a necklace for _years_."

"Maybe because you're oblivious enough not to realize?" Younger Madara snapped back defensively and ... Every jaw in the army around them _dropped_. "Honestly, you Senju are all genetically _idiots_ , save maybe Toka! You've been living with the Uchiha for _how_ many years by now!? And that's not even mentioning the personal obliviousness _you_ display, _darling_. We lived together for a _year_ , were in each other's personal space more often than _actual_ lovers would be, were not at all touch-shy, practically _adopted_ Kagami together, I could get away with pulling you away from work at any point without you minding - Tobirama, I pulled you out of _meetings_ with the council so we'd go for _tea_! And yet, it wasn't until I spelled it out to you in no uncertain terms that you _realized_!"

Alive Tobirama actually looked a bit sheepish at that. Edo Tobirama looked disbelieving his counterpart had stayed oblivious that long, though he honestly doubted he'd have done any better.

"You could have still told me how inappropriate that was for a birthday gift."

Younger Madara gave him a flat look. "Yes, because a teenager with almost no memories of his first life as a ninja would have _any_ idea about any of that or would be in the mood to explore thoughts of such possibilities after the night _I've_ had previously, what with the being-drugged-by-my-second-life-cousin and all."

"Okay, I see your point."

"I don't," Edo Tobirama said with a shaky voice. "Time travel ... Lost memories ... Manipulative alien plants ... Magical eyes(?) ... Remaking your own life ... Are you Uchiha even _human_!?"

"Not really," young Madara casually replied before Sasuke could bristle in offense or other Madare could make a scathing comment. "One of our earliest ancestors was very much an alien that was mistaken for an actual goddess. What?" He looked offended at the strangled looks of downright fear everyone was giving him. "It's not like we're _Superman_. Now _that's_ some godly bullshit right there."

"I agree. What's the point of making a superhero team if one member makes all the others mute? DC is obviously overcompensating for the way MCU is kicking their asses in ratings," live Tobirama said, as if _anything_ of that made _any_ sense.

"What are you even _talking_ about?!" Hashirama finally couldn't seem to take it anymore, asking the most curious question with the possibly most interesting answer. "Are you spreading this madness all over my village, too? You've said there's another me in your dimension. If he's still alive, _why_ would he allow you to speak such nonsense that no one understands!?"

"You're such a millennial, anija, I swear." Hashirama stopped short and just stared helplessly at the other version of his brother. A version that seems to be taking great pleasure and amusement out of his misery. "Hashirama back home is, too. He tries to keep up with the Gen Z kids but Madara keeps feeding him with stale memes that are _so_ early 2000s, just to mess with him."

"Don't think I didn't catch _you_ and that harpy cousin of your's showing him _Princess Bride_ of all things, Tobirama! You two are even worse trolls than Kurama is! Though I have to admit Kagami takes the crown in this one. He thought it would be funny to teach Hashirama the Macarena and he's been doing it for _weeks_ now while thinking it's Gangnam Style! So, of course, when he overheard Tsuna-chan and her friends doing Gangnam Style to show Nawaki how to do it, he jumped in with the Macarena and embarrassed himself in front of Nawaki and all of his little friends! Tsuna-chan nearly pummeled him into the dirt for his efforts!"

Hashirama looked green with horror while alive Tobirama chuckled gleefully, obviously very fond of the memory. "I've never actually seen anija blush like that! It was _glorious_. At least now I can understand why you finally allowed Kagami to watch Fifty Shades of Gray. When I first realized he was avoiding looking anyone in the eyes and flushing like a tomato when he accidentally did, I thought something bad had happened only to feel the mortification in his chakra when you kept hiding from him so he had to return the movie to _me_. He may be the troll king but he's obviously learned everything he knows from his shishou."

Young Madara grinned, unrepentant. "I never said he was a bigger troll than _me_. Besides, he deserved it. I caught the little shit trying to 'catch them all' a few weeks back. Kurama would have had his own vengeance had he not approved so greatly with my version. Be _grateful_. The Kali dance over a burning Konoha would have been a mercy in comparison to what he had planned."

"I dread to ask."

"Let's just say that Kurama may or may not know a seal that would allow us to make exact replicas of light-sabers _without_ you having to commercialize Raijin no Ken and that he had _plans_ to reenact certain scenes from several of the movies."

Live Tobirama's face went blank. "I guess that's better than that time when Kiri's delegation was here and he asked that Hoshigaki if she had a sharp big enough to reenact Megalodon at the Valley of the End."

"You wanted to unleash a huge prehistoric _shark_ into Konoha's waters?!" Edo Tobirama nearly _yelped_ , if at all possible all color draining from his undead. Hashirama actually managed it while Sasuke and Naruto grimaced, recalling another Hoshigaki they'd been unfortunate enough to meet.

"Don't they need _salt water_ , though?" A kid in an ugly green jumpsuit politely asked with a confused furrow of his bushy eyebrows, going as far as to raise his hand as though he's in a classroom. Young Madara took one look at them but his companion put a hand over his mouth before he could say something potentially gravely insulting.

"Some species have the ability to breathe in river waters, like bull sharks for example, so it's not nearly as unusual as you might think. Besides, if it's a kyuchiyose, it can use chakra to sustain itself in freshwater with very little effort or danger to itself. In fact-"

"Don't you dare get started on that _again_ ," young Madara said with a glare as he yanked the offending hand holding his mouth shut away. "I couldn't tell that obsessed Hoshigaki to shut it for diplomacy's sake - something which I think the Mizukage abused, even if he looked miserable as well by the time she was done - but if I have to sit through that _again_ , I _will_ do something which is Uchiha-levels of _dramatic_. And then leave _you_ to deal with the consequences."

"Still better than showing anija Four Weddings And A Funeral." They both shuddered as they recalled _that_. "Okay, maybe we overstayed our welcome here and should really get back home before," another shudder from live Tobirama. "Anija finds your phone and somehow manages to open it."

All color drained from younger Madara's face. "He'll accidentally delete it all, knowing his luck! Fuck, get us back home _right now_!"

"Oh no you fucking _don't_ ," snapped older Madara, snatching his younger counterpart before he could reach alive Tobirama. Those red eyes flashed dangerously and a snarl curled his lips but the Uchiha Madara of this dimension was not backing down. "You're damaged in the head if you think I'd let you take him after seeing the way you looked at him moments ago! I bet you didn't even court him right! Like _hell_ am I letting this continue!"

"Oh for Susano'o's sake!" Groaned the younger version, facepalming again, so hard this time that he nearly knocked the Hokage hat off of his head.

Alive Tobirama took a threatening step forwards that had the entire Alliance admiring the huge balls he must have to dare do as such, his face spelling out _very_ clearly DANGER and MURDER. "If you do not release him into my care immediately-"

"I agree with Madara!" Hashirama exclaimed, jumping in between the two posturing men, standing protectively in front of the alternate version of his younger brother and glaring at the baffled Madaras with overprotective elder brother sensibilities. Edo Tobirama just mirrored younger Madara's earlier action and facepalmed. "I am _not_ letting anyone defile _any_ version of my sweet, innocent Tobi-"

"Don't call me that," came the almost practiced dual response that the brunet paid no heed to.

"So back off from my brother, Madara!"

"Oh for fuck's sake! I am not a virgin, anija!" Both versions of Senju Tobirama snapped in exasperation, making the Shinobi Alliance watching all of this stare and turn some interesting shades of red because that is _not_ something you need to know about the titanic legends of their world, okay? Hashirama, though, wailed.

"I can _certainly_ attest to _that_ ," Hokage Madara murmured to himself but shirtless Madara heard, and so did Hashirama and Edo Tobirama. Live Tobirama actually preened a little while the watching shinobi, since they were shinobi and focused on the drama so they were _extra_ vigilant, _gawked_.

" _No~_!" The Shodaime cried in despair, slumping in between the Madaras and the living Tobirama, who rolled his eyes at his brother's unnecessary dramatics. Edo Tobirama looked like he wanted for the earth to swallow him so he wouldn't have to deal with the stares directed at his own person due to that declaration. He knew he should have just kept his mouth shut.

"Can't we just let them go and forget this ever happened?" A mortified Hiruzen asked desperately, not being able to even look at either version of his sensei anymore.

"No," shirtless Madara said, hold steady on his younger counterpart, who looked beyond exasperated now. "Not until you state your intentions. You don't get to just defile any version of me, especially not one twice as young as you! Not on my watch, Senju bastard!"

Living Tobirama looked completely unimpressed. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a fuck." For some reason, young Madara wheezed at that, looking mighty amused. "Look, we just want to go back to our own Konoha, where we can prevent even more this shitshow from happening. He," he points at younger Madara. "Is a great Hokage. The people love him. It was a bumpy ride to get there but we made it and I'm not about to let you ruin that because your sensibilities are a little spooked or whatever."

" _Madara_ is a good Hokage? I'll believe it when I see it," came the snorted reply from Edo Tobirama, prompting the other one to glare at him and respond.

"He _is_. For one, the village finances have never been better and our economy is blooming. The entire shinobi world is terrified of him after he soloed the other ninja villages by himself and no one ever dared even try to slightly offend us in some way since the Iwa-Taki-Kumo situation when he overkilled Zetsu with meteorites, eternal blessed fire and a few other needlessly overpowered jutsus. We have peace and no more children are dying. There's some competition over missions but we deal with it better these days. The village is self sustainable, we have a steady and stable educational system for both shinobi and civilians, we have more trade offers than ever and the Daimyo seems to have taken an exceptional liking to Madara and how he leads. The Uchiha are the leading force behind the Military Police and up-keeping the internal peace of the village and I can't remember the last time anyone slighted someone enough that there was a brawl over it. The last Kage summit was rather interesting in that no one attempted to stir shit and Madara even invented for a way for Uchiha and Senju to share power in the village by making me his Sasaukage. So yes, he's a _marvelous_ Hokage. Simply wonderful. Ergo, there is _no way_ that I am about to let all that fall apart just because _any_ of you might be offended or something equally as silly. We're from a different world. You have no authority over us. And even if Madara _weren't_ the best damned Hokage that I could possibly imagine wearing that ridiculous hat," living Tobirama straightened, squaring his shoulders as if readying for a fight. "I wouldn't have let you keep me from taking him back with me. I love him, simple as that, so screw you, Uchiha, and screw you, anija. Right now, I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore. So go ahead. Make my day."

"You need to stop binging on old movies, Tobirama, because that was a bit overkill," younger Madara said with a teasing smile pulling at his lips while everyone else just stared. More so because they'd never actually heard Tobirama speak so many words in one setting before than because of what he'd said.

"If you think you can intimidate me or take me on or get around me, then go ahead, Senju. _Try_ ," older Madara says with a blood-curling grin, clearly more than okay with spilling the visitor's blood.

But Tobirama did not move. Instead, he kept eye contact as he casually made a single hand seal with one hand and then there was a flash behind older Madara milliseconds before younger Madara appeared at his partner's side, completely unruffled to have been teleported so suddenly. "Hello, gorgeous."

Hokage Madara just shook his head, clearly amused. "As long as it's not Princess Bride, it's fine by me."

"Wha-" Older Madara, clearly startled, turned around to look behind himself only to see that his other version was indeed really not there. As if the Rinnegan could be fooled by a genjutsu, but the day has been extra weird so far so we'll give him some credit in believing all sorts of shit can happen.

"You can't seriously have thought I wouldn't have something with the Hiraishin marker on me given how close we are, right? Besides, this had quite literally saved me from Zetsu a couple of times before we took him down. Now it's habit to have a marker on me everyday, everywhere." Younger Madara shrugged. "Now, I would very much like to go home, where I have to suffer through another meeting with Onoki and _you_ have to fill in any work that has piled up on either of our desks. Then later we may discuss the necklace. So take us home, my idiot Senju, before I declare Tsuna-chan my favorite."

"You wouldn't," the white haired man says but the younger Madara only arches a challenging eyebrow and he sighs in clear defeat. "Right. There's no place like home-"

"Don't."

"Ruin all my fun why don't you," grumbled the older dimension traveler before he reached into his weapons pouch for a Hiraishin marked kunai and expertly feeding chakra into only a part of the seal. "Hasta la vista, baby!"

"And may the force be with you!" Young Madara called before they disappeared with another boom and flash, not a trace of them left except for a crater where they had been standing to indicate they had ever even been there in the first place. Utter silence and inactivity followed, everyone just a bit too stunned after everything to properly react.

"So," as usual, Naruto found his voice when no one else could. "What do we do now?"

The only remaining Madara left sighed, already so done with this shit. "Bring Obito here. I am not staying for the mess that is this cleanup. He can deal with it since he turned out to be a goody-two-shoes and has a mancrush on that Hatake emo kid."

"I wouldn't be emo if you hadn't killed my teammates and caused the deaths of almost everyone I ever loved!" Snapped Hatake Kakashi, but Madara wasn't paying any attention to him.

"See you on the other side, bitches," he gave the other two Founders of Konoha a peace sign before preforming Rinne Tensei and reviving Obito, self-combusting his body as the closest thing he'll probably ever get to a proper Uchiha funeral without anyone researching how he ticks. Besides, it was time he gets some rest and tells his brother all about the crazy life he's lived.

" ... Did that asshole just leave us with all the repair work again?" A pissed off Tobirama asked, the words hissed out like an angry cat's. "Oh no he didn't! That's it! I've had it with the Uchiha porcupine! I'm going to kick his ass!" He put his hands together and ran through a short series of hand seals. "Kai!" His false body dispelled and his soul rushed back to the Pure Lands to, apparently, attempt to fight Uchiha Madara into submission.

"Well, at least he can't die if he's already dead, right?" Naruto optimistically offers, getting glares or rolling eyes in response.

"Urgh, what's going on?" Asked a dazed Obito and somehow stole all the spotlight, making Hashirama wait for several hours before anyone bothered to release him and the other remaining Hokage from the Edo Tensei so he can hopefully stop his brother and no longer estranged best friend from destroying the afterlife itself in one of their bickering matches.

All in all, it _could_ have been worse.

At least Zetsu's dead.

00000

"This is all your fault, I hope you understand," an utterly satisfied Uchiha Madara murmured into his pillow as his now-officially-informed-to-be-so husband rained kisses down his neck and shoulders, obviously not done quite yet despite their tiring day in an alternate universe and all the work they had to catch up despite actually not being gone for longer than an hour. At least Tobirama got _that_ part right, so Madara was more than in time for his meeting with Onoki and the Iwa delegation and Tobirama even managed to make a sizable dent in the paperwork that had been piling up while he'd been locked up in his lab.

"What is?" Tobirama, who was far too focused on all that pale flesh revealed to him, asked absently, fingers finding their way to what turned out to be his proposal and claim of his partner, twirling the pyrope and silver necklace between deft fingers as he attached his mouth to an unmarked patch of skin and bit down.

"The upcoming dramatics."

"Hm?"

Madara grinned at the distracted questioning noise. "You _do_ realize Hashirama will want an official wedding ceremony, right? Probably planned by him personally since it's his last brother's big day." Tobirama suddenly froze, mind whirling as dread started pooling in his stomach. "And considering the movies he's been watching as of late ... "

The albino Senju groaned in despair, realizing he had just subjected himself to a _month_ of not being allowed to be in the same house as his partner as was according to Senju marriage traditions. "Can't we elope? Or do a Hatake marriage hunt?"

"Toka would skin you alive and Hikaku might develop the Mangekyo just to put you in Tsukuyomi."

"You're far too amused since this is going to affect you, too."

"Watching you suffer is _so_ worth it and I'm going to enjoy it since you've set yourself up like this."

Tobirama groaned in silky midnight black hair at the lack of sympathy he got from his partner as Madara laughed at his reaction. He hated that Madara was right.

It was all his own damned fault.

**OWARI**


End file.
